Irresolute
by GeekyTimeLady
Summary: After a sick and over medicated Sherlock tells John he loves him and that Lestrade is his former lover, John tries to come to terms with these admissions and deal with his own sexual identity. Sherlock/John/Lestrade love triangle.
1. Chapter 1

It's barely 3 a.m. when John awakens. The sound of coughing and a rather bad sneezing fit is coming from Sherlock's room. Johns sighs as he gets up. " I told him he was out in that rain too long. I told him he would get sick, but nope."

As he walks into Sherlock's room, and he flicks on the light. "Sherlock reacts like a vampire. " Turn the blasted thing off!" Sherlock shields his eyes.

John isn't paying any attention to Sherlock as he heads out. " I'll get you some cold medicine."

"I'm not sick!" Sherlock says between coughs.

"Yeah, tell that to your cold, Sherlock."

When John comes back, Sherlock is pacing the room. " My brain is clogged and won't work. If I lay down, my nose gets too stuffy, but if I sit up, it's all runny. Is it warm in here? "

John touches Sherlock's forehead. " You are burning up. Back to bed." John guides his friend back to the bed.

" Didn't you just hear me? I get worse!" Sherlock whines, but flops down dramatically.

John rubs his own forehead. " Your such a drama queen."

A frustrated Sherlock looks at John. " Well, heal me."

" I thought you weren't sick.," John says, trying to suppress his giggle.

Sherlock huffs and rolls his eyes. " I can't be sick, but if I am, I need to be cured quickly. I don't have time to be sick."

John simply shakes his head at the restless Sherlock. " Take the medicine twice, every six hours. No more than two pills, got it? There is also some cough medicine in the loo. If that cough continues to keep you awake, take it. I'm going back to bed."

"What? You're leaving me!"

" I'm pretty sure all you have is a cold." John yawns. " If your fever gets higher or you feel worse, and I mean your actually worse not because your bored, then wake me up."

The minute John turns his back, Sherlock whines.

" Did you just whine?"

Sherlock nods no. John lets out another sigh and leaves.

Not long after John's eyes flicker open and he sees Sherlock staring back at him. " What the hell?"

"Oh good, you're awake!"

" Do you know how creepy that is?"

Sherlock pays him no mind and sits on his bed. "Just make yourself at home," John says, sarcastically.

" Thank you."

" I was being sarcas- oh never mind. Are you feeling worse?"

" Yes and no. I don't feel better, yet I don't care. I think I took too much medicine." Sherlock puts a finger to his mouth. " Shhh, don't tell John."

John rubs the sleep from his face. "How much did you take? "

"Five pills, I think."

" Anything else?"

" I might not have used a spoon for the cough syrup."

"What did you use?"

"My better judgment."

John groans.

" Seems my better judgment was not the better choice."

" You're probably high. I can take you to the A&E, if you want."

" I don't think I took a life threatening amount." Sherlock pinches John's cheek. " You're very pretty, don't tell John I said that though."

" I am - okay. Who am I? Just wondering."

" Lestrade, of course. I knew you were a bit clueless, but to not know who you are? Tsk, tsk."

John leans over to touch Sherlock's forehead." Your still a little hot, but not like before."

" That's not what you usually say." Sherlock snorts.

" I don't even want to know."

Sherlock gets into the bed and snuggles close to John.

" Right when I think this can't get any more awkward."

Sherlock giggles. "This brings back memories."

Sherlock's face turns sad. " I'm sorry I used you in those early days. I used your attraction to me to my advantage. John would be so disappointed in me if he knew. It's just I'd do anything for a fix or a case back then. It's just I didn't think highly of you. You were a means to an end. Trust me, I'm paying for my sins. Surely you've seen me around John, right? You must know I'm suffering. I'm in your shoes now; I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me."

He kisses John's shoulder. " Care for a pity fuck?"

John's completely frozen by his confession.

He regains enough composure to croak out a 'no'. John looks over at his friend to see he has passed out. John carefully maneuvers himself out of his own bed. He rubs his temple. This was definitely information overload. He goes out to the kitchen and hunts down a beer. As he gulps it down he replays the night's major confessions.

1.) Lestrade and Sherlock were former lovers. How did he not see that?

2.) Sherlock was in love with him. How did he really not see that?

Then there was option number three: Sherlock was obviously very sick and over medicated, so could he really take anything coming out of his mouth seriously? Until he gets more information about Lestrade and Sherlock's past together, he decides that it's all just misunderstood nonsense.

But deny as he might, a seed has been planted in his head.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Irresolute  
Chapter: Chapter 2  
Pairing/Characters: Unrequited John/Sherlock. Implied Sherlock/Lestrade.  
Rating: T  
Word Count: 954  
Spoilers: It takes place after "The Great Game" but I don't really think anything is spoilery, but I caution anyway.  
Summary: After a sick and over medicated Sherlock tells John he loves him and that Lestrade is his former lover, John tries to come to terms with these admissions and deal with his own sexual identity. Sherlock/John/Lestrade love triangle.

In this chapter Sherlock wakes up in John's bed and finds Lestrade by his bedside not John.  
Notes/Warnings: Implied Male/Male relationship. Cursing.  
Disclaimer: Don't own the rights.

Beta: Holly Xavier-Diggory

Sherlock wakes up with the mother of all headaches. His head feels so _heavy_. He blinks a few times until he feels safe enough to open them, and instantly realizes he's in John's bed.

"What the bloody hell?" He exclaims. A rather loud laugh comes from his right. He recognizes the laugh - Lestrade. He rests his head back on the pillow. "Where's John?"

"He called me and asked if I could look in on you, said he had urgent business. As soon as I got here he left. What did you do to the poor man? He looked like a chicken with its head cut off!"

Sherlock tries his best to recall but draws a blank. I haven't a clue. I remember something, a conversation with you."

"That's impossible. You've been sleeping like a baby, a very drugged up, snoring baby."

"I do not snore!" Sherlock snaps.

"Yes, you do. I recorded it all those years ago."

"That could have been anyone."

"You can never admit your wrong, can you?"

"I'm never wrong so there is no need to."

Lestrade sighs. "We had this same discussion five years ago."

Sherlock smirks wickedly at the memory. "Yes. It ended the same way a lot of our fights ended in bed."

"Which I believe down to manipulation on your part."

"Took you long enough to figure it out." Sherlock coughs and then sighs, disgusted. "When does this go away?"

"Well, considering how badly you take care of yourself, it might be harder for you. You might want to rethink overdosing on medicine in the near future. If you can't think about yourself, think of John. He was pale and had bloodshot eyes. He was definitely worse for wear."

Though Sherlock would never admit it, he did feel bad. Lestrade notices. "So tell me about this conversation we had."

"No." Sherlock curls up in John's blankets.

"Right about now I'm wishing I had played along and said it happened ."

"It did feel real. I was so sure of it. I didn't talk in my sleep, did I?"

"You did." Lestrade lies.

"Liar."

"Oh, how would you know, you don't even fess up to snoring."

Sherlock laughs. "Fine. I may have said I was sorry for how I used you." Sherlock was beginning to wonder if he had been given some kind of truth serum. He figures it must be the medicine and fatigue that is letting him lower his guard. He just doesn't have it in him to be 100% Sherlock. And he really did owe Lestrade an apology, John would be proud of him too.

Lestrade gives him a look of shock. "Wow, that must have been incredibly painful for you to admit."

"Very." Sherlock groans in pain.

An attentive Lestrade quickly hovers over him. "Where does it hurt? What's wrong?"

"It's not physical."

"Well, what is it?"

Sherlock stays silent.

"Damn it, Sherlock! You sounded so - It hurt to hear you in that much pain. Tell me!"

Sherlock looks at Lestrade sadly. "You must know. Even you can't be that stupid. I love John and I hate it. I hate unneeded emotions. I hate feeling like this. I love him and I resent him. He's distracting me from my work. It was so easy to keep everything transport before him."

Lestrade wipes a curl from his forehead. "Welcome to my world, it sucks."

"Still?"

"Always. You're a hard act to follow."

"I recall asking for a pity fuck." Sherlock says, which Lestrade might have found appealing if Sherlock didn't look and sound like utter crap.

"No!"

"That's what dream-you said, too. I can't get laid in reality or my dreams, how pathetic." Sherlock jokes.

Lestrade laughs. "You're incorrigible."

Sherlock huffs. "John's making me soft, damn it."

"Remind me to thank him then." Lestrade glances away briefly. "I envy him that. To be in John's shoes. To be the one who made you finally feel."

"Admittedly it would be easier if it was you, instead of straight as an arrow John."

"No, it wouldn't. Half the attraction to John is the challenge. Your heart is too much like your mind, it can't settle for ordinary or easy."

"Hmm."

"What? Too mushy for you."

"No, just surprised. I'm beginning to believe I don't give you enough credit."

"Finally catching on to that, huh?"

"Oh, hush."

"Do you think your well enough to go back to your room? I bet John would love his bed back when he comes home."

"Yes."

Lestrade helps the ailing Sherlock back to his bedroom.

"Rest." Lestrade bends down and whispers in his ear. "And if I ever considered a sexual relationship with you again, you wouldn't find me so easy to get this time around. You'd have to work for it."

Sherlock's eyes light up. "A challenge."

Lestrade grins. "Exactly."

Lestrade faces Sherlock. "And another thing - I won't be your poor man's John Watson. You won't get back in my bed until I know it's you and only you in my bed. I won't share my bed with you and John."

Lestrade's lips get so close to Sherlock's but right when Sherlock goes in for a kiss Lestrade pulls away.

"You fucking tease."

" I learned from the best. I'm not going to be your rebound or distraction. Now sleep, I'll be in the living room."

As soon as Lestrade left Sherlock found his phone and sent a text to John.

_Sorry for last night. I'm still unsure what happened but Lestrade actually made me feel bad, so - sorry. Also how did I end up in your bed?_

_SH_

Sherlock waits for John's reply but receives none, sparking Sherlock's curiosity and concern.

"John, where are you?"


End file.
